All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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