there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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