I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
