it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
