At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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