she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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