spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
