Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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