i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize