you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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