I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
