I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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