I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
did i just pee glitter
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
