just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
