Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
