Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
