and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
