I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
