Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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