Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
