i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
