There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
is wine microwaveable?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
