Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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