im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
