Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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