A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
