Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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