If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
