I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
