Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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