and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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