I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
