I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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