I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
