Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
