Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
