I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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