YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
