I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
