batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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