Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
