I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this boner is exhausting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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