My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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