I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
NoShamevember. You game?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
