can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
