You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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