my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
