So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I party with great urgency now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
