oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize