We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize