my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
