YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
