Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
