dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
