Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Randomize
