i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize