I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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