Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He shit in the fireplace
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
