you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
