I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
