My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
