youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
