I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
