When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
