Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
