haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
