he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
