I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
