i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
