oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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