just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
smell my finger.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
